Oh, the first date the most awkward experience of adult life. Paying to sit opposite another human being in a restaurant and having to stare at each other for a long period of time, whilst constantly judging each others every move. Why do people do that to themselves? Let’s face it; 20 years down the line you probably won’t even want to look at your date, I believe that’s called marriage.
I remember once going on a date with a guy who booked the table an hour later than he thought. We arrived at the restaurant with an hour to spare. Living in a dull quiet town, what is there to do on a Monday night at 6 o’clock? After wondering around town…Yes… I ended up at the library. Trying to get a girl into bed with you by reading them the entire collection of Mr Men books just doesn’t work! Worse than that my date was illiterate. After it took him about five minutes to read the first sentence we decided to join the group of children listening to Mr Al the Alligators bed time stories. Witnessing a 40 year old man reading a book whilst dressed as an alligator was not what I had in mind when being asked out for a sophisticated evening.
So to all those men out there who are planning an evening with a special lady. To avoid dragging the poor girl into a living date hell, here is 10 things not to do on the first date.
Number one; don’t take a girl to take the cinema. If you like someone the last thing you want to do is drag them into a dark place, make them sit still for two hours and not talk to them. That’s torcher, torcher in nice clothes. Chances are she will prefer the actor on the screen than she ever will you anyway. So you’ll be setting yourself up for some stiff competition, especially if it’s Orlando Bloom.
A close second would be not to talk about ex girlfriends. Chances are you’ll make her feel like a reserve or worse than that, a benched player for a league two football team.
A next crucial point is not to drink too much; no one likes to be burdened with a drunken mess by 10 o’clock. She’s missing the ‘Only Way is Essex’ for you! Least you can do is not throw up all over her brand new heels.
And for god sake, don’t act awkwardly. Point number four, don’t sit in silence! Talk about anything, preferably not the weather, no one likes to be on a date with a weatherman especially not Rob McElwee.
Number five: Ask the girl questions but not at a Mastermind level, adopt more of a Jonathon Ross talking style. Preferably ask the girl questions about herself, girls love talking about themselves and to be honest just talking in general.
Make sure you dress smartly. As much as you love wearing your new Arsenal kit, sitting in a restaurant looking like an eight year old boy that’s just come in from playing Sunday morning football in the mud, is not attractive. Unless of course your name is Theo Walcott, in which case go ahead. Ideally some smart jeans and a shirt says to a girl you’re a chilled type of guy who knows how to dress himself. Definitely do not seek dress advice from your mum!
Furthermore, don’t ignore your date. Taking someone out and then sitting on your phone all night tweeting about how awkward things are, not advisable. It will make the girl feel like they aren’t being appreciated quite frankly staring down at your crutch and moving your fingers all night looks rather wrong!
If you do end up taking a girl out on a dinner date, follow point number eight; make sure you don’t eat like you’ve been raised by wolves! Watching someone devour food like their teeth-less grandma would probably give the girl nightmares for the next few weeks.
This brings me to point number nine, when you don’t have food in your mouth, don’t talk about yourself all night. The girl has probably already stalked your Facebook profile about 20 times already today and probably knows more than you do about yourself anyway.
The final thing, walk the girl home. The worst thing you want is to receive a call the next day from her dad dumping you for her! Most girls are afraid of the dark, unless you’re on a date with Lara Croft. In which case you probably need your head testing, because she is not real! There is nothing better than walking a girl to her door and feeling like a hero protecting her from the night. You never know, you might get lucky.
By Charlotte Scott