Violent winds and raindrops the size of golf balls were the cause of serious upset these past few days. In a frightfully British fashion we all responded by peering out of our windows, tutting and posting Facebook statuses telling everyone to “dust off your air raid shelters; the end is nigh”. In the area of Lancing, residents were forced to walk (the horror) everywhere because they realised their Volkswagen Golfs didn’t come equipped with caterpillar tracks; yes, the storm was so bad that half the beach was swept into the air and dumped on most of the main roads, making driving (well, driving in anything other than an M4 Sherman tank) near impossible.
Mother nature took no prisoners in good old Brighton, either: torrents of pebbles, seaweed, small fish and crumpled White Lightning bottles were lifted from the unsuspecting ocean and scattered all over our tender city. Benches were half submerged in flotsam and jetsam and one man was hit with a 3000-year-old jar of Loyd Grossman’s tomato and basil pasta sauce.
As the storms rage on, we urge you to stay inside your homes (or air raid shelters, preferably) until this apocalyptic monsoon subsides. And, to pass the time, you can educate yourself on how to deal with a situation like this by watching some 100% factual documentaries on the alarming subject; I recommend 2012, The Day After Tomorrow, Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb and, if you have enough time, How I Live Now has some interesting survival tips too.
By Philip (George) Richey and Charlotte Scott